Gosh it's 11pm and im having trouble windingdown. Kiersten called me tonight struggling with new mom things. Wow I had totally forgot how I felt those first weeks of being a mom. I remember that I struggled, but I forgot about the emotional part that was with it. I remember being up one night to feed Nehemiah and to pump. Our routine was to try to get him to nurse and then pump. After a number of feedings of him screaming every time we tried to nurse combined with the lack of sleep, I just started crying. I thought in my head this baby doesn't like me. He screams every time I try to feed him. Then of course I went through the feelings of being an inadequate mom. I couldn't go through labor, I had to have a c-section, I couldn't make milk to feed my baby. I have to feed him formula. Things that a mom are supposed to do. I didn't want to be one of those formula feeding people. But i am one.
God had to show me things, things that I had already seen in my own life, that I needed to be reminded of. You can be an amazing mom to a child and not go through labor or breastfeed or even give birth to them. Look at my mom.
I've been given this opportunity to raise this amazing child, something that my birth mother missed out on. It doesn't matter how your child enters the world or even how you choose to feed him. All he wants is his needs to be met and to feel safe and secure. I know as a new mom its hard to get past a few days, let alone think about a month ahead or more. But that time will come. Nehemiah is almost 5 months and I've never enjoyed him more. He smiles at everyone, he squeals when tickled, and he likes to talk at the top of his lungs and guess what: he likes me.
I would do anything to take away Kiersten tears and any worries or fears that she has. But I can see where she is going because I am there now. In a short time these days will be the past and Bria will be smiling and laughing. The struggles she is going through now is well worth the reward she will get later.
Ok im going to go to bed.
Bless you Kiersten, you are amazing and I love you.